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| Tonight, I played Hindemith's Symphonic Metamorphosis with the orchestra. This symphony (which is pretty amazing, I think) contains one of the biggest and meanest flute solos in the repertoire.
I had problems with asshole fucking roommates last night, and was so depressed and worked up that I ended up drinking three Mickeys that CJ left in my refrigerator, which made me more drunk than I needed to be. I also woke up early and went to talk to the landlord, and spent most of the afternoon napping my hangover off. In retrospect, this was not the smartest thing to do, but given the situation, I didn't really feel like doing anything else. I had a small cup of coffee when I woke up.
The concert tonight made me nervous because it was so long. I was afraid that the audience would be bored... for some reason that always rattles me. I felt like I didn't play as well as I should have for how much I practiced the exerpt. But I played it solidly and without any really blatant mistakes... and I feel better because I'm planning on memorizing the exerpt and using it for my Michigan audition, so it's not like it's over forever, or anything. | | |
| Tonight I played with my chamber ensemble, consisting of Charley on clarinet, me, and Natasha singing soprano. We're playing a Copland piece entitled "As it Fell Upon a Day," which actually was a study for his teacher. It's a difficult piece, but Charley and I haven't had much trouble with it; it's been the difficult intervals causing problems for Natasha. The funny thing is- on the performance, Charley and I (I more than Charley) missed a lot of notes, and Natasha sang completely perfectly! She was excited.
This was just our warmup for Charley's recital, though. 
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| Last night I played with the Wind Ensemble. I played a
composition on convo earlier in the day, and avoided caffiene until
that point... consequently, I was tired as hell at lunch, and
over-compensated by drinking more coffee than usual, and adding to that
some tea before I played the evening concert. I wasn't in the
best playing condition (I was tired, hungry, and a little shaky) going
into the concert, but I thought (especially given the condition in
which I was) that things went reasonably well for me and for my solos.
The band, however, consistently tops out on the dress rehearsal.
It shouldn't take a genius to figure out that when this happens
frequently (as in, it has only NOT happened once that I can remember,
since I've been playing) maybe we shouldn't run a full rehearsal the
DAY OF the concert. In addition, maybe we shouldn't run an hour
and forty-five minutes the night before the concert, and maybe we
shouldn't be rehearsing so much that our lesson music is consistently
suffering. I don't think this has anything to do with our level of
preparedness... I think the band is doing just fine in that
respect. But then again, if we were just expected to be
consistently good without having to find our way between "You are
amazing" and "You are complete failures because this performance didn't
go off well," maybe we would have an easier time just playing the music
well without going overboard.
And maybe my attitude would be better if we'd gotten out of band on time even once in the last month.
The point is to become a good enough player so you can just PLAY the
music; the point is not to practice your band music until you are blue
in the face, which will not make you any better. You can practice
a piece for band for DAYS, and it will never replace scales, and it
will never replace etudes, and it will never replace solos, and it will
never, EVER replace the value that comes from listening to your lessons
teacher.
When I came back from the MMEA convention, having just won the Music
Teachers' National Association woodwind competition, she said something
about it in band. And then when she was finished with her four
seconds of proud, she said, "now, if they could just learn their band
music..." How insulting. How insulting is the expectation
that we contribute to the success of the band at the price of personal
failure.
When did it stop being a band and start being a lifestyle?
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| I played the exerpt from Hindemuth's Symphonic Metamorphosis for studio
class on Thursday night. I didn't watch what I ate at all- IE, I
drank coffee and ate sugar and salt all day. I only had three
days to learn the exerpt, which is one of (if not the) most
difficult exerpts that I've ever had to work up. I did a little
bit of stopping and starting, which I wasn't too happy about, and I was
nervous enough for my fingers to be going a little whacky. I
wasn't shaking, though. Somebody told me my freshman year that
playing for studio class is murder, and that it's easier to play for
ANYONE but other flute players. I believed them, and my nervous
system has been acting accordingly ever since, nevermind the fact that
it's not true. I did a fairly decent job, and I managed to
improve on the fly things that Dr. H wanted, so overall, I was not
unhappy.
Friday (yesterday) the flute quartet played the third movement of the
Mike Mower for convo (we are also playing that for the competition in
Columbia on Thursday). I was a little shaky, but that's about par
for the course; convo terrifies me. It was a packed one, too,
with standing room only at the back.
I didn't drink any caffiene, but went with Gatorade instead, and had a
high-protein energy bar and a little bit of random other sugar.
It didn't work nearly as well as the Gatorade and banana thing, but I
didn't fall all over myself, so I was happy. Overall, the
ensemble was good and we played with a lot of energy. I was happy
with my own performance. The things that you always assume will
go wrong with a small group did go wrong, for the most part, but there
was nothing that was a big deal- we didn't get lost, we didn't lose our
places, and we didn't do anything that the audience wouldn't know
wasn't part of the music.
I think that's the tenth convo I've played? Something like that. It was the first for everyone else in the quartet.
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| Today I played for a formal meeting. I played a Piazzola Tango Etude, which was what I happened to pull out of my ass when I got Andy's IM today, giving me seven hours of prior notice. What do I have to play that doesn't involve other people? I have Fish Are Jumping, but I've played that enough. So I went with the Tango Etude. I really wanted to play well, too, because there are a lot of flutelets that are members or pledges... have to be a good influence and all.
I had the normal jitters, which were made worse by the informal situation. We finished the meeting and I was already on stage, so I didn't even have to get up there. No time to collect myself. No time to think. I missed a few notes, but the worst part was the shaking, which was a bit more than I was used to.
Not much food today, and a giant cup of coffee to stay awake... always a mistake before a performance, but I wasn't too concerned about this one because it was low-key. Didn't take into consideration that I feel like crap when I don't perform well, whatever the occasion. Next time I'll watch what I eat more carefully.
I need to figure out how to play in an informal situation and not get the shit scared out of me. | | |
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